Juan Uribe Will No Longer Haunt Your Dreams
September 2, 2011 at 10:41 am | Posted in Juan Uribe | 30 Comments
…at least for the last month of 2011, anyway.
Surgeries are planned for Casey Blake and Juan Uribe in the coming weeks, with Blake scheduled for a neck operation on Tuesday and Uribe receiving a second opinion before undergoing a procedure to repair a sports hernia.
Whereas Conte described Blake’s surgery as inevitable, Uribe’s was something the Dodgers wanted to avoid.
“We think there is a slight tear and a nerve entrapped there,” Conte said. “There were two ways to go about this. One was to inject the area, see if it would heal, rest it and progressively get him back.”
That course of treatment appeared to be working — until Monday, when Uribe felt pain when sprinting.
“That told us the conservative approach was probably not going to work,” Conte said. “We suggested he get surgery.”
Conte said Uribe is on board with the plan.
“He would have a normal off-season,” Conte said.
Uribe ends his first season as a Dodger with a horrifically disappointing .204/.264/.294 line and nearly as many stints on the disabled list (two) as homers (four). The resulting .204 TAv is ahead of only Paul Janish, Alexis Rios, and Chone Figgins – that’s right, even worse than Adam Dunn – among the 233 big leaguers with as many plate appearances as Uribe had. (For the record, wOBA agrees, tying him for fourth with Rios, though also putting him ahead of Franklin Gutierrez.) It’s almost like you shouldn’t have given $21m to a 31-year-old coming off two one-year contracts totaling $4.2m, right?
No matter how you slice it, Uribe’s Dodger debut was an absolute disaster – but hey, at least he’s still got $15m more coming to him over the next two years plus a $1m bonus in 2014. It’s not even fun to apply actual analysis to Uribe’s season, so let’s instead delve into hilarious facts that exist concerning him:
1) Nearly eight years ago, he was traded straight-up for current teammate Aaron Miles. No, really.
2) The most Uribe-related fun we had this entire season was with a never-true-and-quickly-refuted rumor that the Giants might actually have been interested in taking him back in July.
3) There’s an entire Tumblr dedicated to how sad Juan Uribe makes everyone.
4) The best part of Uribe’s baseball-reference Similarity Score list is not that it’s a who’s-who of mediocre middle infielders over the last 20 years (Robby Thompson, Jeff Blauser, Jose Hernandez, Felipe Lopez, etc.) but that both Alex Gonzalezes make the list.
Don’t come back, Juan. We won’t miss you. Still, the fact that Uribe and Blake officially admit defeat on the same day does serve as a poetic reminder of what really had the most damaging effect on this club – that the original starting infield of James Loney, Uribe, Rafael Furcal, and Blake started just two games together, both in April.
******
One of my favorite Twitter feeds is that of Matthew Kaminski, aka @BravesOrganist, who plays the keys in Atlanta. He’s often coming up with clever songs to play for opposing players as they walk up to the plate, and with the Dodgers in town this weekend, he needs our help:
#Braves vs. #Dodgers – any song ideas for the Dodgers’ players?
Hit him up on Twitter or leave your best ideas here. The Mighty Mouse theme for Miles? “Cryin’” for Andre Ethier? The possibilities are endless.
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thank the lordy
Comment by format— September 2, 2011 #
How bout ‘Unskinny Bop’ for Dee Gordon?
Comment by Gordon— September 2, 2011 #
I Got Plenty of Nothing for Eugenio Velez.
Comment by art compton— September 2, 2011 #
Tie Me Kangaroo Down.Mate for Oeltjen
Comment by art compton— September 2, 2011 #
I Can Fly for Dee Gordon
Comment by art compton— September 2, 2011 #
Or maybe Up, Up, and Away
Comment by art compton— September 2, 2011 #
I made the actual suggestion of “Strange Times” by The Black Keys.
Comment by Konami Gnomo (@konamignomo)— September 2, 2011 #
Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better for Matt Kemp
Comment by art compton— September 2, 2011 #
“Johnny Come Lately” for James Loney
Comment by Bigd71— September 2, 2011 #
If they’d manage to show a picture of Ned Coletti on the scoreboard, how about “Nowhere Man?” Or maybe “They Might Be Giants.”
Comment by Emerson Schwartzkopf— September 2, 2011 #
Like A Boss for Matty
Comment by Gregory Zakwin— September 2, 2011 #
Here’s hoping that Uribe takes his time getting better and Ned and Donnie like what they see from Gordon and Sellers enough that Juan is a benchwarmer in 2012.
Did anyone else notice that the Dodgers have a positive run diff on the season?!?!?!?!? When did this happen? Does this mean we have a chance at a .500 season and increased odds for Kemp and Kershaw to pick up some hardware?
Comment by oil can boyd— September 2, 2011 #
I certainly hope so, they each deserve it. Even though I feel a club’s record should have nothing to do with the award voting, the Dodgers reaching or surpassing the .500 mark by the end of the season certainly will help.
Comment by Justin— September 2, 2011 #
Uribe will no longer haunt your dreams THIS YEAR, but we are stuck with two more years of his fat carcass.
Comment by SamAdams— September 2, 2011 #
I had forgotten all about Juan, that says how much he ment to the team this year.
Comment by dodgers66— September 2, 2011 #
If Blake does not return, who then to be a Dodger thirdbaseman?
Russ Mitchell
Travis Denker
Andy LaRoche
Ian Stewart
Wilson Betemit
Kevin Kouzmanoff
Casey McGehee (Taylor Green takes over)
David Freese (Zack Cox is on the way)
Comment by Table— September 2, 2011 #
and no Juan Uribe can not be the only 3rrd bagger on the roster.
Comment by Table— September 2, 2011 #
I’d make a run at Freese or Stewart.
Comment by Gregory Zakwin— September 2, 2011 #
I’d be fine with bringing Stewart into camp and giving him a shot, but I wouldn’t give up anything for him or guarantee him anything either. There’s a reason he’s been stuck in the minors all year.
Comment by Mike Scioscia's tragic illness— September 2, 2011 #
Agreed. Of course, I doubt Ned would give Stewart a shot, considering he’s young and has (some) potential and what not. Oh, and he’s not an ex-Giant. He suffers from the same symptoms as Chris Davis.
Comment by Gregory Zakwin— September 2, 2011 #
Wilson Betemit (return of the prodigal son!) Just dont’ ridiculously overpay Ned!!
Comment by Doug Harris— September 3, 2011 #
Anything to show that Uribe/Colletti picture as much as possible eh Mike?
Comment by The Hatch— September 2, 2011 #
Who am I to deny a gift from the gods? I think the only one I’ve liked more is the Nomar one I used to use a lot where he’s looking at the camera with the great “who, me??” expression.
Comment by Mike Scioscia's tragic illness— September 2, 2011 #
I got to say Mike you pulled my chain there with the title. At first I did not scroll down, I just stared for a little while…..I kind was hoping he retired or something…….of course that drugged up feeling of fantastical satisfaction didn’t get me too far…….like I was going to watch Uribe play in September anyways……an Uribe AB is a Table BA (bathroom adventure*)
*I throw up uncontrollably
Comment by Table— September 2, 2011 #
Mike loves to torture us with that photo of FAIL. It’s exceedingly cruel, as each time he puts it up there just about when everyone has forgotten the previous time he put it up there.
Comment by The Dude Abides— September 2, 2011 #
Well, I already started making the baseball cards for the postseason review, and while I DID try to use that picture, I did end up going in a different direction.
Comment by Mike Scioscia's tragic illness— September 2, 2011 #
Don’t look at me. There’s nobody on my side of the family that looks as goofy as my poor unfortunate son, Ned, does here. In fact, he’s always looked like a goofball. Takes after his father and the rest of that Chicago lot. And who’s that man in the uniform there with Neddy? Is he another one of Ned’s fantasy players, the people he thinks can actually play baseball?
.
Ever since his father dropped him on his head, Ned’s had these strange visions where he has access to lots of other people’s money and is able to just spend it any way he wants. I sincerely hope no rich person has been stupid enough to entrust a lot of money to Ned. There’s no telling what he might do, especially if he sees anybody wearing certain colors. Ned was dropped on his head at Halloween and ever since then, he’s had this strange fixation on people dressed in black and orange. I swear, I think he would give away millions of dollars to almost anyone who ever wore that odd combination of colors, even if the person had never done anything to deserve it or was actually even physically disabled.
Comment by Ned Colletti's Mom— September 2, 2011 #
Then you should have had him committed while you still could.
Comment by The Dude Abides— September 2, 2011 #
Wait, Uribe “sprints”?
Comment by David— September 2, 2011 #
“Who Are You?”, for Justin Sellers
“Am I That Easy to Forget” for Trent Oeltjen
“Sultans of Swing” for Matt Kemp
“Don’t Fear the Reaper” for Clayton Kershaw
“One is the Lonliest Number” – Eugenio Velez
Comment by lWerthFan— September 3, 2011 #